DAUTBEGOVIĆ, Jozefina Jozefina Dautbegović, bom in 1948 in Derventa, Bosnia and Hercegovina, graduated in Croatian language and history from the Facultv of Pedagogy, Slavonski Brod, Croatia. Until the beginning of the war in Bosnia she lived and worked in Doboj. She edited Draga svjetlost and the arts magazine Značenja (Meanings). She writes poetry and prose. Her work has appeared in various anthologies. Her poetry has been translated into English, German, Polish and Swedish. So far she has published five collections of poetrv: The Money-belts, 1994, Assumption, 1985, From Rome to Capua, 1990, Lunch with Pontius Pilate, 1994, Pictures from the Floor Mosaic, 1997. Jozefina Dautbegović je rodena 1948. u Sušnjarima, Derventa, Bosna i Hercegovina. Diplomirala je hrvatski jezik i povijest na Pedagoškoj akademiji u Slavonskom Brodu, Hrvatska. Do početka rata živjela je i radila u Doboju, Bosna i Hercegovina. Bila je urednica biblioteke Druga svjetlost i urednica časopisa za kulturo Značenja. U vrijeme rate 1992. izbjegla je u Hrvatsku, gdje i sada živi. Piše poeziju i prozu. Zastupljena je domačim in stranim antologijama. Pjesme su joj prevodene na engleski, njemački, poljski i švedski jezik. Do sada je objavila pet knjiga pjesama: Čemerike, 1979, Uznesenje, 1985, Od Rima do Kapue, 1990, Ručak s Poncijem, 1994, Prizori s podnog mozaika, 1997. Sodobnost 2001 I 90 JOZEFINA DAUTBEGOVIĆ One Fairly WeII-meaning God There exists one fairly well-meaning God who after his afternoon rest switcb.es on his already linked-up cosmic computer and opens a file with my name to remind himself what is written with papillary lines in genetic code He checks dispositions and other details of DNA He is godforgiveme a well-meaning but highh/ forgetful God to fulfill my wish he opens a door for me not before I'm inside do I realise it's the wrong one but the door is already shut. Sometimes he can be hard-of-hearing and fairly obdurate letting me pray to him for a long tirne or knock very hard until panic seizes me Usually he opens the door when Fve lost every hope and I stumble into the plače which doesn't make much of an impression on those around We have been together for a long tirne but are not synchronised He can keep me in doubts crush my fingers and shut this same door in front of my noše so hard that my ears keep ringing for days I dare not even think of saying what I often think of him But then he does not have a particularly high opinion of me He threatens to reprogram me when he finds the tirne His thoughts often wander through the orchards in the Garden of Eden I imagine he stili suffers me a little because no one else can pray to him so ardenth/ and because in a special way I show him my gratitude Sodobnost 2001 I 91 Jozefina Dautbegović He is rather old so I fear he might while napping accidentally press delete When I think seriously I shall miss him because I know that, like me, he has long been afraid of a virus in the cosmic computer. Christmas 1998 After finishing with preparations although hungry we did not sit down to eat We waited We peered out through the window jumped to the door at every sound Nothing Suspicion appeared that He might not have seen our faded window among so much splendour and to be honest our dinner is not particularly sumptuous either But that should not be the reason he is after ali God. Last Bosnian Winter Wherever I go I carry it with me as my next illness it has remained in my bones in my bone marrow I am cold in the middle of summer whether in Hvar, Korčula or Opatija Winter refuses to leave me it has taken very deep root who knows in which part of me lie ali its snows which while I wasn't there have been falling as in folktales about bewitched regions for seven long years and turned into glaciers Since then the seasons change as in a film only in front of my eyes while inside me the winter lasts Sureh/ when I left I must have carried with me the last Bosnian snows without knowing that I shall carry them forever I say in my bones but who knows where they are hidden maybe they inhabit my grey cells and pour down unexpectedly when I relax to +30 C and enjoy myself like a lizard on a brick wall Sodobnost 2001 I 92 Jozefina Dautbegović However quiet, I can feel an icy wind blowing from somewhere, tugging at my clothes I recognise it, it smells of Bosnian snows but just in čase to convince me, it waves the branches of a palm in front of my noše Although I never eat ice-cream every tirne I eat fruit salad my spoon touches a frozen piece of fruit at the bottom of the cup My Bosnian winter catches up with me in the middle of summer in the narrow streets of seaside towns, escaping from some underground opening or from behind the dark altars in romanesque churches It's only because of this winter I wear woollen vests on my holidays and when I go swimming I always want to put on my socks It's because of that you say to me you're so icy let me warm your hands. Ode to Water I greet you water and make an effort to emulate your sense of cleanliness your ability to adapt to changes your stubborness to flow in spite of barriers Without you there is neither fish nor wheat germ nor the tobacco leaf cut up and rolled into the cigarette I smoke while trying to figure out your cunning decision to be sweet and salty at the same tirne. Last Love / It was like the first day after the creation of the world before the first song before people before the invention of language There was only manna from heaven and light and a white day Nothing has yet touched the land nothing had a name It was like the first day after the creation of the world Everything stili had to be invented. Translated by Evald Flisar Sodobnost 2001 I 93 JOZEFINA DAOTBEGOVIĆ Jedan prilično dobronamjeran Bog Postoji jedan prilično dobronamjeran Bog koji nakon popodnevnog odmora uključi svoje več umreženo svemirsko računalo i otvori file s mojim imenom da se podsjeti što je zapisano u genetskom kodu papilarnim linijama Provjerava sklonosti i ostale detalje DNA On je božemioprosti dobronamjeran ali vrlo zaboravan Bog kako bi mi ispunio zelju otvori mi poneka vrata tek kad sam unutra zaključim da to nisu ta ali vrata su se vec zatvorila. Nekada zna biti nagluh i prilično tvrdoglav pusta me da ga dugo molim ili snažno kucam dok me ne uhvati panika Obično otvori kada izgubim svaku nadu i ja posrčuči upadnem u prostoriju što ne ostavlja bogzna kakav dojam o meni kod prisutnih Dugo smo zajedno ali ne radimo baš sinkronizirano Znade me držati u nedoumici prignječiti mi prste ili ta ista vrata zalupiti pod nosom tako jako da mi danima zvoni u ušima Ne smijem ni pomisliti reči što katkad mislim o njemu No i on o meni nema baš visoko mišljenje Prijeti da če me reprogramirati kad bude imao vremena Misli mu cesto blude po vocnjacima u vrijeme zrenja rajskih jabuka Predpostavljam da me još malo trpi samo zato što ga nitko usrdnije ne zna moliti i što mu na poseban način izkazujem zahvalnost Sodobnost 2001 I 94 Jozefina Dautbegović Prilično je star pa se bojim može kad zadrijema slučajno pritisniti delete Kad ozbiljnije razmislim bude mi ga žao jer znadem da več dugo kao i ja strahuje od virusa u svemirskom računalu. Zadnja bosanska zima Kamo god idem nosim je kao nasljednu bolest ostala mi je u kostima u koštanoj srži Zima mi je ljeti na Hvaru Korčuli ili Opatiji svejedno Ona u meni traje beskrajno duboko se ukorijenila tko zna u kojem dijelu mene leže svi njeni snjegovi koji su dok mene nije bilo kao u narodnim pričama o ukletim predjelima padali sedam dugih godina i pretvorili se u ledenjake Od tada mi se godišnja doba mijenjaju kao na filmu samo pred očima a u meni zima traje Sigurno sam u kostima kad sam odlazila ponijela zadnje bosanske snjegove bez svijesti da ih nosim zauvjek Kažem u kostima a tko zna gdje su se zavukli možda mi stanuju u sivoj moždanoj masi pa se sruče neočekivano taman kad se opustim na +30 C i uživam kao gušter na suhozidu Iz čista mira osjetim odnekud puše vuče me leden vjetar za rub haljine prepoznajem ga miriši na bosanske snjegove ali on mi za svaki slučaj maše palminim granama ispod nosa da me uvjeri Iako u pravilu ne jedem sladoled svaki put na dnu zdjelice s vočnom salatom žličicom dotaknem sledeno voče Moja me bosanska zima pronade \Lred ljeta na uskim ulicama primorskih gradova izvuče se iz nekog podrumskog otvora ili iza tamnih oltara u romaničkim crkvama Zbog nje jedino ja nosim vunene veste na ljetovanju a kad ulazim u more svaki put poželim navuči čarape Zbog nje mi ti kažeš kako si ledena daj da ti ugrijem ruke. 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